Dear Erik - written 2-24-10

Dear Erik,

I'm not doing very well here, and am afraid I will never stop feeling sad or be happy again.   I tell everyone that I think you didn't know how sad you were going to make me, but deep down I know it woudn't have mattered.  I know that even if someone had shown you how upset we were going to be, you would have left us anyway.  I know you couldn't stand feeling bad anymore, I watched your pain for so long, and I am so sorry that you had to suffer so much.  I'm so sorry

My Definition of a "Crisis"

       My definition of a crisis is very simple:  something which occurs and your life is forever changed, defining your whole life as "before___the incident" or "after___the incident".

       I had already gone through this once before,

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         The trouble with life is, I think, that we often think we know a lot about something, only to find out we had no idea about some of the most basic issues involved in a life event.  Because my son had a previous suicide attempt, and I had learned as much as I could

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        It was the longest mile I would ever have to drive.  My hands clutched the steering wheel, but I was not trying to keep the car from veering out of control.  Somewhere deep in my gut I knew I was desperately trying to keep my life from veering out of control...