More Items for the Casket

        There were a few people I met that week that I hadn't known before, and don't see anymore, but I will always remember them.  One person was a man who approached me, introduced himself, and said he had been Erik's sponsor at AA.
  Once he introduced himself, I realized he was one of the few people Erik had been able to communicate with and had spent time with in the last year, and was so grateful to meet him.  I of course thanked him for being there for Erik and helping him as much as he did, and thanked him with a hug for his presence.

        He shared with me how fond he was of Erik, and how distraught he was over what had happened.  He began to worry that he had not known or anticipated Erik's suicide, and could not understand how he had not known.  I assured him that he was in no way expected to have known, that none of us knew, that Erik had kept his secret well.  This was one of the first times I would hear about or realize that others besides myself would have to struggle with guilt over not forseeing and preventing Erik's suicide.

        But what happened next was what I will remember the most, and was one more of those gestures of kindness that just filled me with awe that week.  This man who I did not know at all, and who Erik had known only a short time, had brought his military medals and asked that we have them placed in the casket. He held them in his open hand, explaining them, and saying how much it would mean to him if we would have them put with Erik.  I protested at first, but he became urgent in his desire to do this one last thing for Erik, so I acquiesced.  We kept the medals on top of the casket for the wake, but they were put inside and buried with Erik the day of the funeral. 

       This man also asked for the honor to be pall-bearer for the funeral, and I knew that Erik would like that and was grateful that this friend of his would be there that morning.

        I will always remember this man.  He called for some months afterwards, but now has drifted back out of our lives.  His presence and the gift of those medals are now part of the legacy of that week, for him, for Erik, and for us all, and I thank him.

I know I have said this before, but again, the many little things that happen when tragedy strikes are often the things that get us through the week, or the day, or the moment.
If you are someone who wants to something for yourself, or thinks of something you would like to do for the family and yourself when there has been a tragic loss, do not hesitate to ask and/or just do it.  You will never regret that there was a specific moment or gesture that made you a part of that farewell, you will have something to remember, and as much as you may think they won't or can't, the family will remember what you did and always appreciate it.