Love, God, The Universe

On a later post, I will talk a little about how I joined one of the on-line survivor forums.  The reason I am thinking of it now, is because I want to write a little about our religious and spiritual beliefs which can be so sustaining in times of loss and crisis, and I suddenly thought of a post which I read on the forum.

It was from a man who had no belief of any sort of spiritualism or afterlife.  I remember that as I read his words, my heart just broke for him.  I could not imagine the sorrow and despair of thinking that this earthly life is the only thing that is real, and that once someone is gone, it is the end of everything.  Even worse, how would someone grapple with the idea that this was our only life together, and someone they loved chose to end it and leave, and that was the absolute end to them?

As I read this man's words, which were a response to someone encouraging others to believe they would be with their loved one again someday, there was so much sadness and almost anger, it was difficult to read.  He was polite in saying that he respected others religious beliefs , but that it just made it harder for him, to hear that others were able to rely on faith so much for support when he did not even recognize what they were saying.  I felt like it made him feel even more lonely and separate at a time when he needed to feel part of a community.

I tell this story by way of explanation.  I feel very cautious to write about spiritual things on this blog as everyone has very different beliefs and perspectives, and I want to be respectful to everyone.  So I will touch only briefly and gently on my own experience. 

I have already said that we had a Catholic funeral for my son which in itself was so comforting.  However, I will confess, I ahve not been in that church since.  I have been to church for specific masses said for my son, or weddings, etc., but not on a weekly basis. 

What happened for me with my experience of losing my son, was that the beliefs I did have about afterlife and the spiritual part of our earthly selves, grew stronger and more tangible, and have become one of the positive outgrowths of losing my son.

I have read so much, and pondered this so much, that I have a stronger belief than I ever thought I could have, and, yes, it brings great comfort to me.  I have come to believe that there is an existence which gives us life and gives all meaning to our lives.  I think it's okay to call this God, the universe, or love, or whatever terms our faith uses or we are comfortable with.  I tend to call it the universe, because I feel it encompasses all types of faiths and belief systems.

As a mom who lost her son, I can only tell you that I actually feel the essence of my son within me at all times.  I know he is many other places as well, but I feel I definitely carry a part of his energy with me at all times.  This brings me peace, and encourages me to go on with my life for both of us.

I know that many others have much more structured and ceremonial religious beliefs, and I know these will help you and support you greatly.  If you are someone who doesn't have a strong belief system in place, now can be a time for you to reconsider and learn.  You may go through a period where your previous beliefs are shaken or challenged, but this can be worked through and you may come to an even stronger or more meaningful faith.

My spiritual belief is sustaining to me and something that is a gift from my son.  My wish for other survivors is that your beliefs will give you peace and strength, or that you will rediscover your faith as part of your survival process.  We are all blessed with the opportunity to believe and love.