Silver Lining Playbook

I promise this blog will not turn into an entertainment review, but thinking about seeing "Next to Normal" reminded me that I also recently saw the movie,  "Silver Lining Playbook".  I think about these things, because it is one more part of the suicide survivors' existence, always being ambushed by a surprise attack of a reminder.  For example, if you have lost a loved one to suicide, how many times since have you been with someone who is being dramatic and says, "I could kill myself", or "I felt like jumping off a bridge", and a split second later they look at you with either mild discomfort or pure horror, either just a little embarrassed or terribly worried they offended you or made you sad.  Then you end up being the one who has to comfort the other person,  because your situaiton is making them uncomfortable.

It would be really nice if we could eliminate every reminder in the world of the ugliness of suicide and the sadness it brings, but of course, that would be impossible.  Or, we survivors could hide in the house for the rest of our lives, to make sure nothing upsets us unnecessarily, or more than we already are.

But hopefully, sooner or later, we must brave the real world, with news media, entertainment, and social conversations that depict or talk about topics that hit way too close to home for us, and yes, hurt us more than most people.  I'm not sure why I wanted to see a movie and a play about bipolar disorder and mental illness.  I hate to say it but I think it was part morbid curiosity, along with wanting to see what others had to "say" about it, and perhaps even "compare notes"... most of the reasons probably aren't very altruistic.  I guess I liked the idea that I at least was in control of the decision to go see them, or  maybe I was testing my limits a little.

When I went to see "Silver Linings" I walked in knowing it was about a young man with bipolar disorder, and that it got good reviews, and that the acting was going to be good.  I had no way to know how many times in that two hours I would be watching scenes that jogged too many memories.  The wonderful man who went to the movie with me began shifting in his seat five minutes into it, urgently whispering "do you want to leave", to which I of course stubbornly said "No".  A few minutes later he asked me again, so I assured him I was okay, and if "something horrible" happened, then I would ask him to get me out of there!!!

The young man in the movie totally reminded me of my son, same coloring and height, same intense blue eyes.  He had been in rehab and brought home by his mother, to his father whose best way to handle the situation was to ignore him.  And then the scenes began: the visits to the psychiatrist, the not taking the meds, the taking the meds, the outbursts in the middle of the night, physical altercations between father and son, the difficulty handling social situations, and on and on.  Some of the things truly did make me uncomfortable, especially the depiction of the stuggle with meds making people feel worse than the illness, and of course the family arguments. 

However, the story was so intriguing and compelling, that I was willing to get through those moments and enjoyed the movie, so happy that I had chosen to stay.  Granted that I am a bit of a movie fanatic, and for me it is worth it to be uncomfortable for a bit and not miss a truly great movie, while many people would wonder why even take a chance of being upset, just for the sake of seeing a movie.  I get that.  But for me, I'm glad I did it.

And looking back, I have to confess, maybe I was hoping that if I stayed I would get to see a happy ending for someone with bipolar disorder...and I did...it was a great ending.  It was the movies after all.